What Is Grief and Why Does It Hurt So Much?
If you’re here, you may be grieving. Or someone you love is.
First … I'm so sorry. Not in the way people rush past pain, but in the slow, steady way someone means when they’re willing to sit beside you in it.
Grief is many things, and it rarely shows up how we expect. It’s not just sadness. It’s not something to fix or rush through. Grief is love with nowhere to go. It’s a disorienting, aching, sometimes numbing response to loss.
And it hurts—deeply—because something or someone that mattered, really mattered, is now gone or changed forever.
Grief Hurts Because It’s Honest
Grief is the body's and soul's honest response to loss.
It hurts because you cared. It hurts because something in your life has been torn, shifted, or ended and your nervous system, your memory, your routines, and your heart are trying to catch up.
That pain? It’s not a sign that something is wrong with you.
It’s a sign that something mattered to you. That you’re human.
Grief Can Come From So Many Types of Loss
We often associate grief with death and yes, it shows up deeply there.
But grief also comes when:
A relationship ends
A dream dies
A move separates you from home or identity
You lose a job, your health, or your sense of safety
You witness injustice or live through collective trauma
Grief doesn’t require death. It only requires loss.
And any loss that disrupts your life or identity deserves to be grieved.
The Many Shapes of Grief
You might feel:
Numb
Angry
Weepy at random moments
Totally fine one day, and then undone the next
Guilty for what you said or didn’t say
Confused about what’s real
Disconnected from your body or the people around you
These are all normal responses to grief. There’s no “right” way to grieve.
There is only your way. And it will change.
We Don’t “Move On” from Grief—We Move With It
You may hear people say, “you’ll move on.”
But you don’t. You move with grief. You learn how to carry it more gently over time. It becomes less sharp, but it never fully disappears. And that’s okay.
Grief changes you, but it can also deepen you. It can make space for more compassion, connection, and courage if you let it move through you, not around you.
If You're Hurting, Please Know:
You don’t have to be strong all the time
There’s no timeline for how long this should take
Needing help isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom
You deserve support in your grief
You are not broken for feeling broken.
You are grieving. And grief is a form of love.
Resources That Might Help
Websites:
What's Your Grief (whatsyourgrief.com) — Practical articles, courses, and support on all types of grief
Grief.com — Resources from grief expert David Kessler, including coping tools and FAQs
The Dougy Center (dougy.org) — Support and education for grieving children and families
Books:
On Grief and Grieving by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross & David Kessler
Healing After Loss Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman
Welcome to the Grief Club: Because You Don't Have to Go Through It Alone by Janine Kwoh
When It’s Too Much to Carry Alone
Sometimes, grief can feel unbearable. It can make daily life hard, disrupt your sleep or appetite, or bring up deep emotional or even spiritual pain.
If it feels too heavy—reach out. Talk to someone who won’t try to fix you, but will listen.
A friend. A grief group. A therapist.
You don’t have to navigate this alone. And you’re not “too much” for feeling too much.
If you're reading this and you're grieving, may you feel your breath soften.
May you know that your pain makes sense.
And may you find people who can sit with you in the dark—until your heart finds a rhythm again.
